5 Things I Learned from Submitting My PhD
After five years of struggle and anguish, rage and joy, heartbreak and delight, I hit ‘send’ on my PhD thesis. The second after my finger lifted from the mouse, I started shouting, dancing around my apartment like an absolute idiot. I’m sure it was alarming to my neighbors. And I could not care less.
The relief was immense and immediate. And after sufficient celebrations, I finally sat down to clarify what I’d learned from this process that was equal parts nightmare, enlightenment, and obstacle course. For those thinking about or currently in a PhD, there were many lessons along the way, but here are the 5 most important.
This face. All the time. For 5 years.
This is probably the most important one. I hate to tell you, but you are still the same person after you submit. This isn't to say I didn't change over the course of the PhD. I most certainly did change and I'd like to think for the better.
What I mean is that the joy of submitting the PhD (while enormous)… it doesn't last forever. I still have the same family, the same friends, the same difficulties deciding whether to get out of bed in the morning and what to do today. The event itself is noteworthy, but the expectation that life will somehow be vastly different/improved is overblown. What matters more are the thousand tiny changes that happened over the course of the PhD, and that will continue to happen going forward.
In short, the journey really matters and the destination doesn’t matter as much as you think.Good people are all around me and I am a lucky man. In the closing weeks of the PhD, I had the misfortune to realize my thesis wasn’t going to dramatically change who I was. At first, this was crippling. Like what do you mean this PhD doesn't matter? Not exactly a nice thing to realize after 5 grueling years, that maybe this was all just a pointless intellectual jerk-around.
However, very quickly that morphed instead into something far more positive. "Look at all that I have been able to do as a result of this PhD." More importantly, thanks to the many wonderful people I have in my life, it strengthened my gratitude that such wonderful humans exist. From my parents, to my siblings, to my family, to friends, to mentors, to acquaintances, I have been truly blessed with people who showed up for me and with me throughout the journey. It meant I ended the PhD knowing that no matter how it is received by examiners, I am surrounded by some of the kindest humans in existence. What a delight.
On the topic of my PhD, much of the science of learning, behavior change, social influence, etc. can be boiled down to two things.
Genuinely listen to what other people have to say. And ask them more about it.
Genuinely give a shit about where they might be coming from. Doesn’t mean you have to agree, but appreciate they did not choose their parents, their upbringing, or their current situation. “I don’t agree, but I understand where you are coming from” is the minimum objective for every interaction.
I learned this from the hundreds of journal articles I read, the experts I listened to, the interviews I conducted, and the people I worked with. Changing people is really hard, bordering on impossible. And yet, if you can authentically give people the space they deserve as humans, that process is made easier. Because it becomes organic. Because it becomes a dialogue. Because it is based in genuine connection.
In terms of managing your life, productivity, all that self-development, the simple stuff works. Go for a walk. Exercise. Sleep well. Be out in nature. Spend time with friends. Write things down on paper. As somebody who attended every possible workshop on managing the PhD and your life, read every article on productivity, investigated every app you can think of, I never once regretted sitting down at a cafe with a piece of paper to work out some gnarly issue or going for a walk in the park.
Finally, focus on what you can control. There were a number of hiccups along the way to submitting this PhD:
I transferred universities. There were funding problems. I worked full-time and studied full-time at multiple points throughout the PhD. I haven't seen my family in the States in a hot minute. Discussions, bordering on arguments, with supervisors. Messed up timelines. Losing confidence that this was even worth it. Losing faith that I had the ability to deliver on it.
All first world problems, but problems nonetheless. And yet, there were a number of moments where despite those very real problems, I decided to keep going because all I had was what was in my hands. I am immensely proud of those little moments. The times I chose 'fuck it, I'm going to work anyways'. That is a muscle we can always choose to build.
To be clear, I didn't choose well every time. Sometimes those problems led to hours on YouTube or Playstation in the hopes of hiding from them. These problems are also laughably small in comparison to many. So nobody's blowing smoke up anyone's rear end. I share because I needed reminding (all the time) that I never controlled what happened to me, I only controlled my reaction and what I did with it. And I hope that helps somebody else.
There are probably more to learn here, but that's enough for now. I'll close with the dedication of my thesis, and an enormous heartfelt thank you to everyone who played a part, big or small, in my journey to submission. Thank you everyone.
"To the remarkable teachers in my life, including my parents, first, foremost, and longest-serving among them.
I offer this thesis as a tribute to the love you all shared with me. This milestone in my journey of learning would not have been possible without you."
